As I had mentioned in my last post the next few posts are going to be more parent related then Grayson related. This next topic in particular will highlight a topic not often talked about, which I felt needed a little attention.
As a woman, all too often, it is decided that people in our lives are free to ask any question they deem within their business. While more often then not these questions are proposed by other women, most recently I have realized how a simple question can bring someone a great deal of heart ache.
I have this memory, of my dad's mom, before she really had gotten to sick from the alzheimer's that ended up taking her away from us. We were all in my Aunt's kitchen, all 4 of the cousins were home at the same time (a truly amazing event). My cousin Becky and I were standing at the Island talking with Grummy when out of the blue she turns to me. Looks me dead in the eye and says
"So, when are you finally getting married?"
This memory still makes me smile, firstly because I can still see Becky's face over Grummy's shoulder laughing hysterically that the youngest one of the group was getting the toughest questioning. Secondly, because as much as it seemed like such a trick question, my grandmother was as serious as can be. I believe I was about 25 at the time. Wally and I had just started dating so marriage wasn't even close to in the picture. I stumbled through some response, still continuously pointing at my cousin as a "Hey, why aren't you asking her, she's older!" But Grummy just smiled and we moved on to a different topic.
Obviously, Wally and I ended up married, something I still think my grandmother was aware of and that she was just making sure I knew it would happen. The day of our wedding, as we walked around our reception hall greeting everyone, and thanking them for coming. I was asked no less then 3 times when we would start having kids. Now, we got married at 28, while older then our parents generation, still quite young for ours. People are getting married in their 30s all the time. No rush right?
Of course, upon our return from our 12 day Mediterranean Cruise approximately 2 weeks later, we discovered we had brought home an extra souvenir (a stowaway if you would). Our surprise baby would be due March 14th (of course surprising us again by arriving 11 days early). Upon official announcement to all of the family that we were expecting we were promptly asked "Were you pregnant during the wedding? Was this planned? etc etc etc"
The answer to both is NO, but thanks for being so curious.
Fast forward to November 2013. Grayson and I have just traveled on plane from MA to Washington D.C (technically right out side it in VA). I have worked all day at the bakery, helping crazy people get their holiday pies etc. For those who have never flown on the day before Thanksgiving, DON'T. GO EARLY! Travel is a mess, and despite Grayson being one of the greatest travelers around, at 9:30 pm even he gets fussy. We finally arrive at Wally's Aunt and Uncles house. The bags are dropped, Grayson is inspecting the new surroundings and one of the first questions I am asked is
"Are you guys going to have anymore?"
After this flight with an anxious, cranky toddler every part of me says NO. But I know that's not true. I also know from stories my mom has told me, that people don't necessarily understand the idea of a one child family. Or at least they don't understand making the choice of having only one child.
"Yes we're hoping eventually."
"Well you know he's almost 2, do you want them close in age?"
At this point, some wonderful person in Wally's family has handed me a beer. I'm not sure who it is I just know I desperately want to hug them. I also don't know who decided that 2.5 years apart is the best age difference. Who decided that 1 year isn't enough and 3-4 might be too many? Was there some type of math class that I missed in College that would explain this concept to me?
"Yes we would love to have them close in age but at this point we're just trying to figure things out, hopefully plan a little better for the next one." (Remember the one that we were asked if he was planned in the first place.)
Thankfully, around this point there is a comment made by one of the men in the room (I believe the same one that brought me the beer). Some thing to the point of "Do you want them to let you know once they start trying? Should they call you when they think conception has actually occurred? Laughs are had by all and we move on.
The question of us having a second child is something that multiple people have asked, they have asked not knowing our situation. Some have never asked and I have just told them anyways. Others I haven't been sure how to approach it. There are women every where who are being asked questions right now that they aren't sure how to answer. These aren't always questions they should have to answer. Just because you can ask it doesn't always mean you should. To those who have waited till this moment, thank you. Thank you for letting us answer it without asking. Of course. Your going to have to wait till next week to finally get the answer.
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