Monday, July 21, 2014

Don't look at me like that....


Every Monday Grayson & I go to his Early Intervention (EI) play group.  The group is made for parents and kids to attend, it helps the students get used to the routine, play with peers etc.  His ABA has recently started joining us for group so she can help him focus better on tasks, more social interaction and eventually so we can move him to a drop off group without me. 
            We have delayed on the drop off group for some time simply because of my own fears that he would get lost.  His lack of language can often cause him to stand at the back of a group with no way to express his wants, needs or complaints and I wasn’t ready to just ship him off to a group of kids who might take advantage without some kind of assistance.   Of course now that we have a ABA for him, this is no longer a concern.
            For the past 3 weeks, I have been stepping back, letting her take the lead while I sit in thie very comfy chair in the corner and pretend I’m not there.  All in all this has been an incredbily productive adventure.  Well almost, I have started noticing that the more new students we get in the room, the more new parents that come with them.  Along with these parents comes a look (2 looks actually).
 The first one I can totally handle.  It’s the look of pity, sympathy, or sadness that people tend to give someone in our position.  For the record I HATE IT, but I can handle it.   Please don’t pity me because my child learns differently from yours, or because you think our life is SOOOOOO hard.   At the end of the day,  sure it probably is but your look doesn’t make it any easier so just stop.  Feel free to offer to setup a play date with my child to help him with his social skills, hang on to his pecs book when I am carrying around this massive binder of data, a diaper bag and him because he just HAD to be carried too.  But don’t feel bad for us. 
The second one is something new.  I got a similar look while we were out shopping yesterday.  We had run just one too many errands and while at Barnes and Noble, Grayson was totally overwhelmed.   He really wanted to read the books he’d never seen before, and play with the train table in the back but his sensory needs got the best of him and in return we gave him his binkie.  Maybe it wouldn’t of been as bad if we could convert him to a binkie that is more “age appropriate” but I’m sorry my son likes the ones he’s had since birth.  I can’t even get him to upgrade to the 3-6 month binkies of the same kind, let alone any of these adorable ones that have names and colors and pictures on them. 
A fellow mother was in the same section with her similar aged daughter.  While Grayson snuggled into me and we read the newest Llama Llama adventure (a personal favorite of mine) the little girl wandered over, sat down and listened.  The mother stayed to the side and just looked at us.  There it was.  The look of disapporval, the same look I receive from these new moms at parent group who seem to think I am the WORST mother ever sitting in a corner, ignoring my son when he comes over and begs to be picked up and I look away.
Let me clear some things up for you, I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING.  Go ahead, read it again.  Like most parents I wasn’t given a manual at birth.  However, I was trained in proper teaching techniques with children my sons age on the same exact spectrum.  Yes, I get it, my son is 2 ½ and is walking around with a bright green binkie that matches your 6 month olds.  It works for him, it actually is helping him develop proper oral motor muscles that he needs to be able to tell me why he’s sobbing in the middle of the store.  I know you are brand new to the group, and you think my wonderful ABA who is 7 years younger then me is just my nanny and I clearly can’t be bothered to take one minute away from my phone to even glance at my child.  The fact is, I’m not supposed to, because the minute he and I make eye contact everything goes down hill.  He’s out of the chair, running to my lap saying “up, up, up, up,up” in rapid succession and is getting angrier and angrier by the minute that I’m not looking at him. 
I know that not all kids screaming in the middle of the restaurant are on the spectrum.   I know that some parents need to provide better ground rules, and I know that to some people I look like the biggest jerk on the planet because when he looks at me and says “I want that,”  I give it to him, and when he throws it I leave it on the nearest shelf for someone else to pick up.   You are not in my shoes, you don’t know that what I’m doing is what I truly believe is right for my son.  I will make a deal with you, you don’t judge how I’m teaching my child to learn right from wrong and I won’t judge you for the fact that while your giving me dirty looks, and texting everyone you know about how awful I am, your child is 3 aisles away climbing into someone elses cart. 
            We are all just doing what we can, but please keep your looks to yourself.

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