Every Monday Grayson & I go to his Early Intervention
(EI) play group. The group is made
for parents and kids to attend, it helps the students get used to the routine,
play with peers etc. His ABA has
recently started joining us for group so she can help him focus better on
tasks, more social interaction and eventually so we can move him to a drop off
group without me.
We
have delayed on the drop off group for some time simply because of my own fears
that he would get lost. His lack
of language can often cause him to stand at the back of a group with no way to
express his wants, needs or complaints and I wasn’t ready to just ship him off
to a group of kids who might take advantage without some kind of assistance. Of course now that we have a ABA
for him, this is no longer a concern.
For
the past 3 weeks, I have been stepping back, letting her take the lead while I
sit in thie very comfy chair in the corner and pretend I’m not there. All in all this has been an incredbily
productive adventure. Well almost,
I have started noticing that the more new students we get in the room, the more
new parents that come with them.
Along with these parents comes a look (2 looks actually).
The first one I can totally handle. It’s the look of pity, sympathy, or sadness that people tend
to give someone in our position.
For the record I HATE IT, but I can handle it. Please don’t pity me because my child learns differently
from yours, or because you think our life is SOOOOOO hard. At the end of the day, sure it probably is but your look
doesn’t make it any easier so just stop.
Feel free to offer to setup a play date with my child to help him with
his social skills, hang on to his pecs book when I am carrying around this
massive binder of data, a diaper bag and him because he just HAD to be carried
too. But don’t feel bad for
us.
The second one is something
new. I got a similar look while we
were out shopping yesterday. We
had run just one too many errands and while at Barnes and Noble, Grayson was
totally overwhelmed. He
really wanted to read the books he’d never seen before, and play with the train
table in the back but his sensory needs got the best of him and in return we
gave him his binkie. Maybe it
wouldn’t of been as bad if we could convert him to a binkie that is more “age
appropriate” but I’m sorry my son likes the ones he’s had since birth. I can’t even get him to upgrade to the
3-6 month binkies of the same kind, let alone any of these adorable ones that
have names and colors and pictures on them.
A fellow mother was in the same
section with her similar aged daughter.
While Grayson snuggled into me and we read the newest Llama Llama
adventure (a personal favorite of mine) the little girl wandered over, sat down
and listened. The mother stayed to
the side and just looked at us.
There it was. The look of
disapporval, the same look I receive from these new moms at parent group who
seem to think I am the WORST mother ever sitting in a corner, ignoring my son
when he comes over and begs to be picked up and I look away.
Let me clear some things up for
you, I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING. Go
ahead, read it again. Like most
parents I wasn’t given a manual at birth.
However, I was trained in proper teaching techniques with children my
sons age on the same exact spectrum.
Yes, I get it, my son is 2 ½ and is walking around with a bright green
binkie that matches your 6 month olds.
It works for him, it actually is helping him develop proper oral motor
muscles that he needs to be able to tell me why he’s sobbing in the middle of
the store. I know you are brand
new to the group, and you think my wonderful ABA who is 7 years younger then me
is just my nanny and I clearly can’t be bothered to take one minute away from
my phone to even glance at my child.
The fact is, I’m not supposed to, because the minute he and I make eye
contact everything goes down hill.
He’s out of the chair, running to my lap saying “up, up, up, up,up” in
rapid succession and is getting angrier and angrier by the minute that I’m not
looking at him.
I know that not all kids screaming
in the middle of the restaurant are on the spectrum. I know that some parents need to provide better ground
rules, and I know that to some people I look like the biggest jerk on the
planet because when he looks at me and says “I want that,” I give it to him, and when he throws it
I leave it on the nearest shelf for someone else to pick up. You are not in my shoes, you
don’t know that what I’m doing is what I truly believe is right for my
son. I will make a deal with you,
you don’t judge how I’m teaching my child to learn right from wrong and I won’t
judge you for the fact that while your giving me dirty looks, and texting
everyone you know about how awful I am, your child is 3 aisles away climbing
into someone elses cart.
We
are all just doing what we can, but please keep your looks to yourself.
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